In my hermeneutic explorations of the metaphysical dimensions of my own self , an odyssey of a sort, an important milestone is my understanding and formulation :
Hence I am moved to say : I exist, therefore BEING is. (Tamil: naan vaazkinReen, athanaal iRaivan irukkinRaan)
Hence with this accomplishment I notice that I become the TWICE born, the true Brahmanah and NOT the brahmanah who has stolen this credit just by virtue of being the scion of someone who has accomplished this in his gotra deep in the past, if at all, but now the only credit he has is just being born in that lineage but without the necessary disconstructive achievements that would put him in the vision of BEING. Such a person fools himself and fools the world, he has only the external trappings of a Brahmanah but not the inner substance.
If he has it, he wouldn't call himself a Brahmanah anyway. In the face of that Vision it becomes supremely IRRELEVANT.
But among the false elite group, I who have become the genuinely twice born and hence the true Brahmanah WILL NOT be recognised as such! My birth certificate would not qualify me for that!
But however it does not worry me, I just laugh at their folly, the miserable games they play and the twistings and turnings they give to history just to reinforce their own ego for they LACK the genuine metaphysical achievements that would provide an inner satiation that would not force them to seek out such vacuous enjoyments, the pleasures from the mithiyak njanam! From virtual realities!
But I have a problem : this vision that BEING is, that emerges on seeing the world as TEXT is so so slippery, so so difficult to retain and BE in it, immerse myself in it, become an aazvaar - one who dips in it and merges self with BEING. The practical problems in life -- the bills I have to pay, the needs of children that I have to attend, the funeral of a close relative, the wedding of my friends daughter, wife's demand for this kind of expensive jewellery, a new model of a car to replace the old and thousands and thousands of such demands DISRUPT that vision and make my life meaningless and empty. The vision of the World as TEXT and seeing even in a vague manner BEING there , now I realise, provides me a peace of mind that I cannot get elsewhere, it becomes a SANCTUARY of a peculiar sort, that serves to accomplish the "citta virutti nirootha" : it pulls me back away from the mundane, the naive natural , from the sensorial physical and grounds me in the metaphysical.
So I do a number of things to RECOVER that vision -- recover only because it is ALREADY in my mind but now put aside and hence in a way lost. To recover this I indulge in a certain kind of PRAXIS, the Sariyai -- that of listening to the sacred hymns, the recital of mantras, the Buddhists chants from a Chinese temple, the Theevaram songs sung with the appropriate melodies and what not. I put away my research interests and study some scriptures that are productions of people who enjoyed this vision. I find that the hymns of Appar, Sambantar, Sundarar and so forth move me tremendously and all because I UNDERSTAND what they are trying to say, I can transpose myself into their state of Being and through that recover also my lost vision.
But I find that even this is very demanding - intellectually. It is NOT always possible for me to reflect penetratingly into the subtle, nuances, innuendos, implicatures and the various other semantic and semi-logical birds that break through the linguistic cage.
So I trod down to the TEMPLE nearby, a CONCRETE TEXT, that which exhibits BEING in so many plastic forms, all extremely symbolic. The clangs of the bells, the aromas of the flowers, the recital of the mantras, the so many colourful out-of-the-world mythical figures and what not, WORK on me , on my UNCONSCIOUS and driving away the mundane desires, install the divine and hence transpose my Being into the metaphysical ground.
Each archetypal presence is NOT a different God but the SAME BEING presenting himself in so many different ways.
I feel the same even when I sit silently in a vast mosque that encloses Pure Space , as the Sitambaram , as I did in a famous Mosque in Lahore.
When an irresponsible person tells me that I am a non-believer because I worship the deities in the temple, that what I worship are Satanic forces , I again laugh at his folly
I may laugh at it away , but I notice that there others who become VIOLENT in being told as such and accused of being a non-believer.
But the phenomena is the same as that which happens when a miserable caste elite claims the dignities of the twice born solely by virtue of the fact that he happens to be a scion of someone who might have accomplished this long long ago in his gotra (if at all)
And when such arrogant elites and other high caste elites in their metaphysical VACUITY deny even ACCESS to the temple to me so that I can regenerate that vision of BEING that has slipped out, and all because I am a Dalit, then I protest against the whole society very vehemently.
I may chose to build my own temple away from the control of these miserable high caste idiots.
I may become a MARXIST just to demand equal rights for all. I may even convert to another religion just as a way of registering my protest in the most ostentatious manner. I may even become a Naxalite and just simply exterminate these venomous serpents of society who deny the rights that are naturally mine.
But fortunately for me, no one has ever denied access to the temple, to the study of whatever scriptures I want . So I continue as a scholar but firm on OBJECTIVITY for the simple reason that it makes one feel PURE, and happy. This objectivity in research, the desire to be in TRUTH and NOT in fabricated virtual worlds, the various kinds of mythiyak njanam seems to be a GROUND of happiness itself.
ULLAGANAR
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